We waltz through the day, performing various dances. They are more a waltz than salsa, although sometimes it may even feel like a tango. Our interactions will become a dance as we approach situations from varying perspectives and involvement.
The dance we perform each day is one of the Drama Triangle, a concept first described by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s. The Drama Triangle is the dynamic that exists in many situations, especially those where there may be conflict. It embraces three distinct roles that two or more people can play.
The Drama Triangle includes a Villain, a Victim, and a Hero. Consider any situation where there may be conflict. The person who may be at fault or is being approached by another sees themselves as the Victim. They immediately assume the person who is confronting them is the Villain. Since humans typically want to be accepted by others and be part of a group, we may either, as victims or Villain feel alone, so we now reach out to someone else to share our story with the hope of attaining an ally, since misery does love company. At this point, we have brought in the third participant in the dance, the Hero – who is there to provide sage advice and help you feel better or, at minimum, justify your actions. Recognize this in any conflict you have had.
Interestingly, the roles may change in an interaction. The Victim, or even Hero, calls out the supposed Villain, and what do they do? In defense of their actions, the Villain now feels they are the Victim. The roles change intermittently, and this is a dance that can even be performed by two.
The Drama Triangle is possibly one of the biggest curses in any organization. It leads to side-bar conversations, unhealthy background chatter, negative behaviors, and poor teamwork and collaboration. All of these lead to poor performance.
Organizations must be comfortable engaging in conflict. When doing so, the focus should remain on the task, not the person or any emotions. Altering the character of the roles is even more critical. Instead of being the Villain, be the Challenger helping others see alternate perspectives and grow. The Victim becomes the Creator, where they have an opportunity to be innovative and possibly courageous in their actions. The Hero is a Coach, where they help both parties work towards common shared solutions and positive outcomes through questions.
The Drama Triangle is unhealthy. Yet, if we embrace a different dynamic focus on achieving heightened results as a team, we approach the situation from alternate perspectives. We will inevitably dance; the type is of your choice, as is the nature of the role you play in it.
