Gossip is a reality of everyday interactions and one that brings very little positivity, if none at all. However, the inevitability of the behavior means that we should at least be prepared for it and understand how we will deal with gossip. Like being out in nature before dark, we want a plan and prepare for the inevitable.
Some individuals are predisposed to gossip, which typically manifests from their shortcomings and provides them with a sense of accomplishment or an upper hand. The parent is talking about other parents’ words or actions or the colleague sharing information they are privy to. Gossip is used by individuals to create a bond – even if a false one – with someone else, create discontent and indirect conflict for self-benefit, and perpetuate falsehoods to mask one’s concerns or validate personal beliefs. In all instances, gossip is destructive for the parties concerned. Be it the villain, victim, or hero, being a part of gossip is counterproductive unless the aim is to be harmful.
Since gossip will happen, what is our light source in the darkness? The simplest is not to be a part of it nor ingrain it as part of your beliefs. Start with yourself and choose not to be the person creating gossip. Refrain from speaking ill of anyone else and rather not say anything. It is as simple as that.
When we are aware of gossip about others, we can simply stop the other party and say, ‘I am not comfortable talking about someone else like this,’ or suggest to the person how they can help rather than merely talking about it. So if you are someone that people love to share stories and secrets about others with, don’t fool yourself into thinking it is because you are a good listener, but instead wonder whether you are the great enabler of negative talk.
There will be situations when the gossip is about you and brought to you by another person. While you initially want the information, we can often use it and misconstrue what is shared. For example, a colleague tells you, ‘ John thinks you are a weak team member and that you do not pull your weight.’ In such an instance, we will likely immediately default to “John is a malicious person, talking behind your back.’ But, have we considered the real issue in the gossip – is it John or the possibility we are underperforming?
Address the real problem, not just the act of gossip. In those instances, we can tell the other person that we plan to confront John. They may feel uncomfortable, but instead, suggest that you prefer not to continue creating stories, address the issue with John, and understand what you have done to upset him. This may result in the person sharing gossip not sharing information with you going forward, which is a positive dynamic but will likely give you a greater sense of clarity and self-value in your conduct.
We alone are not likely to eliminate gossip, and the expansive destructive force of it is well-known from multiple events in history. At no point is any part of gossip – the initiator, recipient, or enabler – are we doing any good. We can play a role in its existence and gravity or put an end to it. Like sailing, without wind, it is going nowhere.
