President Kennedy’s ExComm team faced a pivotal moment during the Cuban Missile Crisis. When Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara aggressively pushed his view, Kennedy stopped him with a gentle “Bob, may I share a different perspective?” That small request changed the dynamic of the conversation and ultimately helped shape one of history’s most crucial negotiations.
We bristle at unsolicited advice. Our defenses rise when someone barges into our mental space uninvited. Yet we keep doing it to others.
Picture walking into someone’s home. You wouldn’t rearrange their furniture without asking. So why do we reorganize people’s thoughts without permission?
The magic lies in those four words: “May I share something?” They signal respect. They acknowledge boundaries. They transform criticism from an ambush into an invitation.
Asking first is not just being polite – it’s creating psychological safety. The person can choose to engage. They become a willing participant rather than a reluctant target. Permission granted leads to minds being opened. And open minds are where real change begins. Your next piece of feedback might be brilliant, insightful, or even life-changing. But without permission, it’s just noise in someone else’s space.
