Seeking approval is a primal instinct – so deeply wired that we’ll sacrifice authenticity to get it. However, successful scale-ups reveal that teams perform best when leaders care more about impact than being liked.
Gary Burnison, CEO of Korn Ferry, documented how high-performing teams consistently rated “challenging the status quo” above “maintaining harmony” in their success factors. The pattern repeats across industries.
Think of Steve Jobs. His relentless push for excellence often ruffled feathers, yet Apple’s innovations transformed industries. Or consider Katherine Graham taking over The Washington Post – she chose to publish the Pentagon Papers over comfortable relationships with power players.
The math is simple: meaningful change requires disruption. When you prioritize being liked, you’ll instinctively avoid the necessary friction that drives transformation.
This doesn’t mean being harsh. It means caring enough to have the difficult conversations. To question assumptions. To push beyond the comfortable.
The paradox? When leaders focus on creating real value instead of collecting approval, they often earn deeper respect. Not from everyone – and that’s precisely the point.
Your team doesn’t need another friend. They need someone who believes in their potential enough to demand their best.
The next time you feel that pull to soften your message or skip the hard conversation, ask yourself: Am I leading or just collecting likes?
